Dear Miss Emily:

Hey, I met/am trying to get together with a girl that was the roommate of one of my good friends. When my good friend found out I had asked her roommate out, things went south.  My friend turned on me by not talking to me or even "noticing" me in public, etc. I  feel like my friend liked me more than I expected, which probably explained her strange reaction to the situation. The thing that confused me most is that it even seemed that she wanted me to get closer to her roommate by telling me "you should go talk to her,” etc.  However, my friend's sentiments began to affect the relationship I was having w/ her roommate b/c her roommate was aware that we didn't talk/hang out as much. On the dates, eye contact was great/conversation never ceased and, when I hadn't seen her for a lengthy period after I had taken her out the couple of times, I ran into her and she talked/maintained eye contact like she hadn't seen me in, forever. However, she always seemed hesitant/nervous at times, maybe b/c of how my friend and I were doing. For example, she even got back to me late/postponed our second outing because she got "caught up" and "lost track of time," almost like she was uncertain out of fear of where things were going.  Anywho, the relationship with my friend is getting better.  Honestly, I am the "nice guy" type and I have never done or ever will say anything that would harm my friend, and I feel she just acted strange b/c I fell for her roommate, instead.  I had actually talked to/gotten to know her roommate before she even moved in with her. Once I found out they were rooming together, I really wanted to get to know her even better. Now, it's summer time, and I don't know where to go from here. Things never got intense or anything between her roommate and me but, rather, ended like a suspense series where it seemed there were a lot of unanswered questions/mixed signals as the year came to a close and the situation w/ my friend was slowly patching up. I feel like my friend is finally accepting the fact that I do really like he roommate and is slowly coming to grips w/it. I haven't contacted her roommate b/c many friends and family members suggested that since we weren't officially together that I should wait a bit to contact her. What do you think? When I sent a message to my friend, she kind of bragged that she had been talking to her roommate over the net, even though I never mentioned anything about her roommate. Why would she do this? Also, what do you suggest I do as far as contacting her over the summer to encourage things to start where they left off and, maybe, even advance the relationship w/o coming across as a friend? All I know is the whole waiting period of a week or couple of weeks to "not seem desperate" and "waiting to allow her to wonder if I'm going to call" is difficult. Help!
Feel Like a Chess Piece

--------------------Miss Emily’s advice-----------------

Dear Chess Piece:

I think you have the definition of “nice guy” all wrong.  A nice person will not hurt anyone when not justified, and is sensitive to another person’s feelings.  That does not mean you have to be jerked around by a friend who, not only sends you mixed messages about her feelings and intentions, now seems “jake” with you because she has controlled her surrounding environment.  I know that she’s probably a good (albeit insecure) person, but it’s time for you to stop letting this ambiguity control your life and start talking. I doubt that she's friendlier with you, now, because she accepts your interest in this other girl.  That's being naive, to put it mildly.  If you want to get something going with this roommate, and there is not a romantic interest in your friend, seek out this girl and ask her out, making sure she understands that you have a friendship with your "mutual friend" and nothing more.  If she declines, well, at least you’ve cleared things up and put the decision making process squarely in her hands.  But don’t be a wimp and let this friend dictate your future. If you do, I don’t feel sorry for you, because she should not be given the power to do this, and you should put a stop to it. Act now, and forget any silly waiting period protocol.