Dear Miss Emily:

My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and we are wanting to move on with your our lives...move in together.  But there is one problem, he has a sister who lives with him. She has two kids and doesn't work, doesn't help out with the bills, or anything. She has been living with him a year-and-a-half.  He doesn't know how to tell her she has to leave.  He is mentally stressed which is putting a strain on our relationship. What should we both do? Should I leave him alone because of her, or is there some way we can get through this?
Full House

------------------------Miss Emily’s advice-------------------

Dear Full:

Your boyfriend, out of kindness or obligation, has created a situation that has all the earmarks of a protracted, messy future.  His sister has two children, no job, and will lay a monumental guilt trip on him if he asks her to leave.  That means, she will have to find a job and provide care services for her children – things that she does not have to do under her brother’s roof.  If he is serious about moving his sister to an independent life, he has to give her a time-frame for putting together a plan in order to execute it.  If his loyalties (or fear) prevent him from doing this, your relationship is in deep trouble.  On one hand, he is to be admired for his aid to his sister, but the fact that she has done nothing to help financially means that he is easily manipulated, and can only complain about this sticky situation rather than have the guts to solve it.  Yes, leave him alone. He knows how you feel and what you want.  Reject any plan to make it one big happy family and, then, decide how long you want to continue a relationship with a man whose baggage remains unpacked because he can't, or won't find the key to unlock it.