Dear Miss Emily:

I was 14 and a freshman when I started dating this guy.  He was 18 and a senior.  Needless to say, my parents DIDN’T approve. On numerous occasions my father called the police, threatened and verbally harassed him. We broke up, but 6 months later, I couldn’t, emotionally shake him. I had started my 2nd year of high school no longer speaking to him. One day, I emailed him, even though he was going off to college in a different State. I really wanted to reconnect. He told me he was dating someone new, but after long phone conversations, he broke up with this girl, and asked me back out. We dated and my mom knew, but my dad had no clue. One day, about 5 months later while my boyfriend was on a break, he came to visit me ant my house. My mom told me to stay outside, because she didn’t want my dad to see him. We went on a walk and talked about our future and the legal age of "consent" in Florida (16).  He said that’s when we can date, and it seemed as if he was breaking if off with me, or putting things on hold.  He told me he loved me and said he’d call, and I understood completely about his concern. When we came back, we arrived happy, hand in hand. My dad was there, screamed and then said my BF could never talk to me again.  He told him that if he found out we were speaking, he would press charges.  I was heartbroken. After a week, and no contact with him, I sat down with my dad and begged and pleaded for his approval, and he finally said we could date. I was ecstatic!  Immediately, I e-mailed my BF and told him.  Two days went by, and no reply. I finally received this message: “I’m sorry I can’t talk to you now, please don’t be mad.” I wrote back, “Why?” but never got a reply. Months have gone by.  Why can’t he talk to me? I love him and miss him. What’s going on? About 3 days ago, my sister (who is mutual friends with him) saw him at the beach, while they were both on spring break. He introduced my sister to his friends saying, “This is my...this is Chelsea."  Not a word about me. I felt haunted knowing he is in town, and I can't speak to him.  Last night, my sister came home from an overnight trip and told me she had seen him at a nightclub. He was a drunken mess. He said to her, "Why you gonna ask me about your sister when I’m drunk?"  My birthday is April 16th. I need to know what to do.  Not one part of me has gotten over him.  Do you think he'll call when I'm 16? Should I give up? After my birthday, should I e-mail him?  Is he over me? What’s going on? HELP!
Losing It

---------------------------------Miss Emily’s advice----------------------

Dear Losing It:

What a lousy start to a romance!  The age difference was dicey from the beginning, and I understand why your father had major concerns.  However, the high drama and threats your father brought to the table explains why this guy jumped ship. There’s a lot of water under this bridge, and I’m not sure you can ever go back to having a relationship. That said, it’s not impossible.  But this ex of yours is twenty now, and has been living in a different world than you. College offers many new choices, and it seems as if he’s moved on, even though alcohol sparked a sadness within him at the mention of your name.  A 16th birthday isn’t going to magically repair the past.  If you are dying to remind him that you are of legal age, now, it would be acceptable to write an e-mail to him and say how happy you are that you are 16 (although I am sure he realizes this).  I'm thinking that you might have to record this historical moment in your life as a  “first love experience” and tackle your future without him. If he does come around, great, but if 16 has any meaning to it at all, it should be a start to facing reality and accepting this loss with a stiff upper lip.  It’s hard but, ultimately, necessary.