Dear Miss Emily:

This is the first time I have asked for advice from someone on the Internet so let’s see how it goes.  I’ll give you the back story first.  I met my boyfriend 2 ½ years ago in college.  We were both very happy and in love.  This was the first relationship that I really felt like I could spend the rest of my life with one person.  I graduated from college in December of 2006.  I lived 2 hours from him, because I did not have a job straight out of college  and our relationship turned into long distance.  During this time, we both really worked hard to see each other and we made it work.  I only ended up living at home for a month and found a permanent full-time job.  Again, I was going to be 2 hours away from him but, now, we are at least in the same state.  Onto my concerns and questions.  I love him very much but he seems to lack ambition in his life.  He is soon to be 27 and lives with his parents.  He isn’t holding a full time job.  He has aspirations to try and run a business and I have tried to help him with this (I have a degree in marketing).  But every time I try, he either does not like my ideas or is critical of how long it took me to follow through.  Now he wants me to move to be closer to him.  I am trying to find a job where I can use my degree, but I’m finding it difficult to find one.  He doesn’t understand why I can’t just take a job in a different field.  Mind you, I just spent a large sum of money for school.  He seems unwilling to compromise with me.  I want him to try and move to an area where we can split the distance of me driving to work, and him driving to do whatever odds-and-ends job he has that day.  (He does work for his brother’s company, but that is neither steady nor well paying.)  I really believe that he wants more from his life, but he wants it to happen a certain way and is unwilling to compromise or look at the big picture in life.  Am I crazy for trying to make this relationship work?  Or should I leave him and try to make new friends in a city that I know nothing about?
Wants It His Way

--------------------Miss Emily’s advice----------------        

Dear Wants:

One of the hardest choices a person has to make in life is to follow their instincts and move away from something that was once good, but no longer works.  That is why many people “stay the course,” all the while trying to stifle that voice that whispers “You’re making a big mistake!”  Hope springs eternal.  It’s what makes us get up each day to face life’s awesome challenges.  At this moment, I don’t think you have to break-up this relationship, entirely, but I do believe that you have to stand your ground.  You have a right to do this, and men will have to get used to the idea that their professional girlfriends cannot, or should not, up and leave their chosen career to accommodate their plans. And in this case, tenuous plans at best.  He offers little right now.  If he has a bad attitude concerning your helping him (maybe because you have your act together), and he is inflexible on using some Moxie to reach his full potential (independent of family aid), I’m not sure things would change after you sacrificed and enabled his delusional thinking.  False pride is the greatest precursor to failure.  I’m sure he’s a good guy, but if that’s all it took to succeed in life, he’d have the perfect set of circumstances dropped in his lap and you would not have written this letter. Oh yes, your final question:  If you leave him, can you make new friends in a city you know nothing about? Yes, but you have to be willing to face a challenge and open up to making new friends.  Nothing ventured -- nothing gained.