Emily

I need advice more than I've ever needed it before! I've been married to my sweet husband for 7 years. We got married at 23 and I'm starting to think it was before we really knew who we were yet. I met him in undergrad, moved accross the country for his schooling and, now, we live in a small town where he is a professional in a job that's demanding. He literally works 7 days a week. He doesn't even allow for holidays, and treats them like any other day of the year. I'm extremely lonely and unhappy in the town that we live in being from a big city. I met someone online and fell in love with him. We connect in so many ways, and I've never felt like this before for anyone! It's hard to explain how close we are. He lives in a big city and wants me to get divorced and be with him. He has a temper and is in financial trouble....but I love him so much. Should I leave my dead marraige that's secure and enables me to be financially stable with a man who loves me, but I don't feel the same -- to be with this other guy? We have been talking for 3 years....I'm so confused and sometimes just want to die.

----------------------------Miss Emily's advice-------------------------

No, you should not leave your husband for a man who has a temper and is financially unstable. If you want trouble, get involved with a man who can't balance a checkbook! His temper, once you've lost respect for him, will be aimed at you, and you'll be his new scapegoat. Loving someone on-line, and living with him on a day-to-day basis are two totally different situations, and you're not being rational. I am sorry you didn't address these issues with your husband early on because, in a marriage, open communication is key. His work schedule is too much, and to leave you alone much of the time is not using good judgment. Right now, he's married to his job. Maybe you and he should not be married, but I'd want to make sure I tried everything before I threw it out for a guy with baggage. I don't know if you've actually met him face-to-face, or not, but would still not be a measure of success. To chuck everything you have, now, for the unknown is not good planning. Get yourself to a therapist and hash this out. If your husband wants to know why you're going (or you decide to go in secret), tell him you're discontent with your life and need some guidance on how to proceed. It's true! If you end up leaving your husband, so be it. But I think it would be appropriate to find a job, gain your independence, and make no commitment to any man until that happens. You may love your guy on-line, but he may only be a Band-aid to your feeling a void in your life only you can fill. "Act in haste, repent in leisure." See a therapist and, then, formulate a plan -- one for success, and not one that may take you from the frying pan into the fire.