Dear Miss Emily:

I’m a freshman, and for three months I’ve liked this guy who’s a sophomore.  We had a class together, we started talking, and we ended up going out to dinner.  I started liking him so much, but he already was with another girl but, supposedly, they weren’t dating. Once he told me he liked me, things were going really, really well!  Then one day he said, “I’m going out with her now.”  I was like, what?  You can’t just do that to me! Then he told me to keep liking him and not change the way I act around him.  Even though I knew that wasn’t fair, I gave in because I just liked him so much. We flirted all the time and text non-stop, and it didn’t bother me that he had a girlfriend.  At that point, I became obsessed.  I felt like I had to be talking to him 24/7.  He told me, all the time, that he couldn’t text and I didn’t listen and kept doing it.  I texted him one last time, and he wrote back saying, ”You know what?  We can’t talk anymore. You always text me when I can’t.  It’s so annoying, and I’m not responding to you ever again."  Later that day, I tried to apologize, but he was rude, and I cried.  I don’t know why I care so much. Now he won’t even look at me.  I told him to grow up and talk to me.  He told me to grow up and stop stalking him. It’s so unfair, because he was the one who played with my head in the first place!  I need help.   He was one of my best guy friends that I fell in love with, and I can’t stop thinking about him and let him go.
Obsessed

-----------------------Miss Emily’s advice---------------------

Dear Obsessed:

Here’s an idea:  Sit down and make a list of all the reasons you think it’s cool when you make a fool of yourself.  If you think the reasons have merit, then I can’t help you.  If, however, you look at the list and it dawns on you that you are worth more than the behavior you have displayed in this matter, there is hope.  I do not approve of this guy telling you that he is interested in someone else, but expects you to act as if it’s not the case.  What’s really shocking is that you would honor his absurd wishes.  Teenage boys often go through a phase where they play like lions roaming the savannah.  That’s okay if you’re a cat, but less attractive if you’re human.  Males and females play roles, I understand that, but slavery should not be one of them.  Figure it out, as soon as possible, that you can’t get someone to like you by playing a subservient role.  It’s not respectable nor does it lead to success.  He is not interested in you any longer.  Your obsession is obnoxious and, on this score, I have to agree with him that it must stop.  If you don’t back off now, the word will spread that you are trouble. Is this really what you want?