Dear Miss Emily:

I need help. I went on 4 dates with a girl and had a great time. We agreed to start seeing each other more but did not discuss a full time relationship.  She was at a new year's party 2 days after our 4th date and some guy leaned in and kissed her, and she kissed him back for 15-20 seconds (her words).  She said it meant nothing and it was a mistake.....she had been drinking too – not that this is an excuse.  In her past, every guy she has been seeing has left her for another woman or been seeing someone else at the same time.  I’m hurt by what has happened and keep thinking she didn’t find me attractive back then, i.e.,. he was better.  We are in a relationship just now, and she wants to make us work, as she said she is serious about me and not interested in any other guy.  Have I been cheated on?  I don’t want to think this about her.  I want to believe that she was just confused about what was going to happen with us.  She does have trust issues with guys in that she has low self-esteem.  I know she would not go with any guy when in a relationship with me.  I do trust her with that..  Can you please help me?  I also suffer from low self esteem.  I just don’t want to throw something away over something which there may have been believable reasons why it happened.
Stewing Over This

---------------------------Miss Emily’s advice------------------------

Dear Stewing:

My, my, for something that happened almost three months ago, you really are holding on to this as if it were a major betrayal.  The way I see it, you had four dates and, at a party, this girl let a guy kiss her.  This isn’t tantamount to slipping in the back room with him and using techniques she learned from the 70s porno flick “Deep Throat.”  Give it a rest.  If you’re both insecure, you have that in common, but a way to get over it is to let each other off the hook and start building a relationship grounded in reality.  No one’s perfect.  There’s not a person on earth who doesn’t regret some lapse in judgment.  I’d stop looking for the day when this whole thing is going to turn out to be an emotional tsunami and move forward, rather than dwelling in the past.  She may not be the woman you end up spending the rest of your life with, but that doesn’t mean you can’t have a great time together.  If you continue to see her through this New Year’s eve party event, your fragile ego will destroy not only this relationship, but any that you have in the future.  It’s time to take stock and move from obsession to progression.