Dear Miss Emily:

I started a relationship knowing that the guy was already involved, but he told me he doesn't feel the same way she does.  He told her, but she still wanted to be with him and he agreed to stay with her because he needed emotional support after his divorce. Now that I'm in the picture, he says he loves me and  that he's very sorry for dragging me into his messy life.  But I want to be in his life!  He said he told her about me, because he really loves me and wants to be with me.  I love him and want to be with him too.  He said he needs time to end the relationship with the other girl.  I said it was ok, but he can't stay away from me. Recently, I found out that he told her it's over, that he found someone he loves, and loves him in return.  She said that she would forgive him for cheating on her and move on, but he needs to stop seeing me. When I asked him what he's going to do, he said he has to find somewhere to live since they live together and she might think he's still with her.  But he's taking so long to find an apartment, and I'm afraid he might end it with me. I'm already so attached to him.  He calls me everyday and tells me how much he loves me, and we go places together and we enjoy each other's company.  The reason I'm afraid is that I was in a relationship, and he claimed he loved me but had no intention of being with me. This guy I'm with seems to be straight up with his feelings, but I have been lied to before.  Am I worrying too much?
Having Doubts

------------------------------Miss Emily’s advice---------------------

Dear Having Doubts:

When it comes to matters of the heart, sometimes I think a person would be less likely to be hurt if they’d jumped off the Golden Gate Bridge.  (Please, readers, do not try this).   I don’t think you can judge all men the same, however, I see why you would be a little gun-shy.  You would think that the woman with whom he is now living would just as soon have him gone, especially after his “reported”confession.  But when two people have had a history of caring, it makes the transition difficult to execute.  That said, my friend, finding the right apartment might take some time, but not too long!  He's “straddling the fence” and it can be tolerated for a limited amount of time but, sooner or later, he’s going to have to fall to one side or the other.  Tell him that if he doesn’t do what he has to do within a reasonable time-frame, you won’t be there to catch him.  Don’t nag or become his mother.  Keep a level head during this process, because if it doesn’t work out, you’ll be glad you proceeded cautiously.  And again (wish I had a buck for every time I've written this), DO NOT LET HIM MOVE IN WITH YOU!!!!  Promise me?