Dear Miss Emily:

I love my mom, i really do, and I know she thinks what she has done is right. I respect her but its really hard for me sometimes because she is verbally abusive to me about my weight. She will always boost herself saying she is doing this or that and how she could wrap rings around me she never stops. She took me in to a store the other day to buy me diet pills. i just want to be my own person im in my second year of college  2 hrs away I have a serious boyfriend and she treats me like a child. i want to tell her off but i don't want to be disrespectful she is my mother but i feel in my heart some of the stuff she says i need to do its for her like recently we went to a theme park on vacation but i have this really important test to be studying for for Nursing she told me to blow it off and i told her no and she blew up at me and told me i was a bummer and was ruining the vacation and to just take it ill pass. I just don't know what to do I sometimes doubt if! I even want her in my life because she is just annoying child to be around I feel like most of the time I am taking care of her. My dad gets frustrated as well but he doesn't  say anything.  I feel like I am crazy. My boyfriend gets it, but my family? I dunno. I love them but I'm so glad to be going back to school after break. My question is how do I deal with this child like person who is supposed to be my mother and who is supposed to be looking out for my best interest?

---------------------------------Miss Emily's advice-----------------------

This is a pretty common problem children have with their parents -- and especially girls with their mothers. We expect our mother to be caring in ways that don't hurt us. And it's stunning to think they believe badgering is a way to help. I can perfectly understand your desire to get back to school where you can breath easily, and be yourself. The fact she wanted you to shine studying is not only childish, but incredibly selfish and thoughtless. Always remember that you do not have to be a slave to this negative behavior. The more you become at her mercy, the greater your chance of never getting beyond this dynamic in your relationship with her. I think it's time to be firm with her. You can be firm, but kind, and it's not disrespectful. It's asserting your right to be your own person. You can't live vicariously through her life -- nor should she expect you to life on her terms.  "Mom, I'm not taking diet pills. End of discussions!" and. . .  "My career is important to me. I am going to study. End of discussion." It's worth a try to attempt some behavior modification with her. Still, some people never change. But you can! Don't internalize her bad behavior if that's possible. I know all of us are raised with certain environmental input that makes it awfully hard to reprogram --  but you have a life to live, and it's your right to live it on your own terms. You may never please your mother in some areas (I could rarely please mine), but you can find some comfort  in knowing what makes a person tick, and how to avoid certain mine fields she (or he) sets for you. Again, be kind, but be firm. It's your only real path to freedom.