Dear Miss Emily:

We've been friends for 5 yrs.  Last year I went through a divorce, and he'd been through one 2 yrs prior.  He had a friend that lived 3000 miles away that he'd dated some but wanted a girlfriend that was close enough for a real relationship.  After we started dating, he tried to BREAK UP with her, but she's hinted about killing herself if he ever left her.  He barely dated her, but she'd been stalking him for a couple of years, even before his divorce, and she was part of the reason his wife divorced him.  You know, 6 phone calls a day from someone who is JUST your friend, what's going on, type of thing!!!  Anyway, she figures if his wife divorced him because she was calling, she has total rights to get and keep him. But he keeps telling her he WILL NEVER move the 3000 miles to be with her, since his grandkids are here, in hopes she'll just give up on him!  Only she's a stalker and won’t.  He likes her enough as a friend to not want her to try and kill herself over him!!!  He totally believes she'll either kill herself or end up in the hospital if he tells her he's been dating someone for the last year, or even that he's THINKING about dating someone.  So our relationship is on hold, and I can't move in with him when I sell my house, because she'd find out if we lived together.  He's just waiting, maybe for years, for her to decide he's not worth waiting for anymore.  She's ugly, so the chance of some guy coming along and sweeping her off her feet are NIL!  I don't know what to do.  I don't want him to feel like he's killed her if she really does something stupid, but I don't want to put my life on hold for some psycho in FL!
Crazy To Care

------------------------Miss Emily’s advice--------------------

Dear Crazy:

This man may feel it’s necessary  to be held hostage to this woman (unless it's a sham to keep you at arms length), but you can’t be held hostage because of it.  Whatever the reasons are for his accepting this behavior, it’s a lose-lose situation for everyone concerned.  A rational man would realize that (although he apparently cheated on his wife and ended up with the messy results) letting someone control him in this manner is ludicrous. Her fragile emotional state was not created by him, and it’s a manipulative tactic, although sick,  for her to blame him for it.  He made a mistake, he’s paid dearly, but he does not owe her anything other than a firm, goodbye send-off that may include changing his phone number or monitoring his incoming calls for a while.  Anything short of doing this makes me think that he’s not worthy of your time, and it’s best for you to re-evaluate the direction that your life is taking.  I smell mouse droppings on his part and it’s neither flattering nor respectable.  Meanwhile, keep your own place and do not decide anything until this woman is history and you trust this man to behave accordingly.  In other words, don't set yourself up to be the next victim.