Dear Miss Emily:

Im 15 years old, and I have the most amazing boyfriend that I’ve been dating for nearly 9 months... I’m madly in love with him, and I know he loves me, too. The problem is that I’m finding that I’m putting in most of the effort. I feel I’m becoming a bit obsessive and clingy, and I know that scares guys away. The last thing I want to do is lose him.  I’ve spoken to him about how I want a bit more effort on his side, but it hasn’t had a drastic change. What do I do about it now? And how do I stop myself from scaring him away by being obsessive and clingy but still show him I love him? Please, I really need help!
Wanna be “Cling Free”

---------------------------Miss Emily’s advice--------------------

Dear Wanna be:

The biggest mistake that people make in a relationship, is expecting someone to fill their “insecurity monster” – one that grows hungrier and needier with time.  What ugly baggage is brought to the table with that one!  Most of us don’t even know we are setting ourselves up for failure, or why.  My advice to you is this: switch gears, monitor your behavior, and stop asking for something that this guy may not be able to give you.  If at any time during  a relationship you think you can change that person, you’ve just signed on to a war you cannot win.  And even if you could, would you want a wimp for a boyfriend? You should want a guy who’s worthy of your respect – a guy who gives from the heart rather than from a tug at his dog chain.  Again, ask yourself why you need to control someone (maybe he’s letting you do most of the hard work, because you’ve applied for the job).  Do not pursue him for the purpose of validating your existence.  In relationships, each party should be a complement to the other.  It shouldn’t be that one has power over the other.  That said, find an activity that furthers your growth, and don’t expect anyone else to do it for you.  If he really does love you, he'll respond positively if you back off.  Yes, I know guys can be weird, alien types, but it’s better to learn how this car operates before you turn it in for the same model.