Dear Miss Emily:

I found a guy I dated years ago on a website. I decided to say hi, and he got back to me and asked how I was doing.  He mentioned a lot of things he remembered about me, which was surprising, and I felt flattered.  After a few messages catching up, all my old feelings came back.  I told him I couldn't keep contact anymore, because I am married (he's single) and me feeling  like this.  He ended up removing me from his friend list on this website.  I buckled and sent him a couple more messages, telling him I DID want to stay in touch, after all, and I apologized if I made him feel uncomfortable. I still haven't heard anything back.  Is he ignoring me because I'm married?  He did sound happy to hear from me.  We dated, like 9 years ago.  He was willing to study my religion, and  he even mentioned us living together.  I love this guy.  I always will.  He ended up breaking it off because, eventually, the pressure of studying my religion got to him, and I was very inexperienced sexually.  It turns out the girl he dated after me, made his life miserable and recently he got dumped.  I felt bad for him. Why isn't he responding back to me?  I honestly thought he would have blocked me by now, as some people do when they don't want anything to do with that person.  I am still able to send him messages, but I haven't.  I know you're not a mind reader, but what could he be thinking?  Is it possible our “reconnecting” stirred up feelings for him too?  I noticed after our first contact, his messages were distant and I would ask him some general things, like how's your grandfather, etc., and he wouldn't respond back.  I don't understand.  I didn't get too deep or personal.  Do you think I'll ever hear from him again?  I've been doing some soul searching and taking a  good look at myself and my marriage.  I just want to hear something back from him.  It’s frustrating . He's also an old friend and said he likes keeping in touch with old friends.  I felt good about telling him the truth, but now he won't talk to me at all, even after I apologized.  I'm confused!
Going Home Again

---------------------------Miss Emily’s advice-----------------------

Dear Going Home:

Problems in your marriage will not be solved by thinking that this old flame has the answers to them.  When you told him you were married, I have to commend him for letting this correspondence go.  Dancing with nostalgia is just that.  When the music stops, another tune is played.  This guy is smart enough to know “I’ve been there, done that,” and no catching up with him will change the present situation – you are married, and your relationship with him is history.  He does not want to muddy the waters, because he can probably read between the lines and senses that you are on a fishing expedition. You two broke up for valid reasons, so don’t think that ignoring the past changes anything.  Don't be tempted to resume correspondence, and stop dwelling on the idea of whether you’ll ever hear from him, again.  It’s good that you’re taking a hard look at your marriage and whether you have made a mistake. But know that your desire to revisit this past relationship is a symptom of your discontent.  Nine years have passed since you dated this man.  That’s ages ago!  No one grows by putting their brain in reverse.  Move forward by addressing the problems you have in your marriage, now.  Face reality, and start taking charge.  It’s time to let go of this fantasy.