Dear Miss Emily:

I have a 40 year old daughter. She is on anxiety medication. Being on this medication she lost her marriage and her children age 13 and 9. I tried to help her and she told me I am trying to run her life. I am trying to get her back on track because she is homeless now. She is living with a girlfriend and the children don't want to live there with her. They want to stay in their own house with their father. She is also turning the children against me. She has a lot of health problems. I wanted to go to the doctor's with her to discuss her medical problem and she said no. How do I find out what medication she is on? As far as I know she is taking Paxil and  Quetiapine. And occasionally drinks Vodka.

-------------------------------Miss Emily's advice-------------------------

I am so sorry for you. As her mother you feel helpless. However, I think you've done everything you can do. She is on serious medication, and if she misses doses, or drinks with these drugs, it only serves to put her emotional behavior in a further state of flux. The children do belong with their father, and you should not be cut out of their lives because your daughter thinks you're trying to run her life. Keep an open dialogue with her ex, and do not see it as betrayal. You cannot get any information concerning her medical records, because she is an adult and that is private information. I see no recourse for you other than to try and distance yourself from her in the ways she sees as being controlling. Now, that said, you are not an open-wallet for her to dip into when she needs cash yet wants no help in getting her on the right track -- if it's even possible. The fact is, she has to want to do it on her own, and sometimes it just takes hitting rock bottom to face our demons. Quetiapine is often prescribed for bi-polar -- and other major disorders -- and I suspect her problems go deeper than anxiety.